How to Talk to Your Parents About Planning Ahead
Starting a conversation about end-of-life planning with your parents can feel overwhelming, but it’s one of the most thoughtful things you can do for your family. Whether your parents prefer traditional burial or direct cremation, understanding their wishes now can reduce stress and uncertainty later.
Watch our short video above (or view it on YouTube) to learn how simple it can be to start this critical conversation.
It’s the Most Important Conversation We’re Not Having
According to the Pew Research Center, 54% of Americans in their 40s are “sandwiched” between caring for children and aging parents. One in five Americans is a caregiver for an elderly or disabled family member. Yet, according to the National Funeral Directors Association, only 36% of adults have discussed or documented funeral plans.
This means many adult children will have to make decisions without knowing their parents' final wishes. That’s why starting the conversation before something happens is so valuable.
Every family deserves the chance to plan — this includes LGBTQ+ families, blended families, and families of choice. Below are conversation tips and practical steps to help you talk with your parents, stepparents, grandparents, or chosen family about funeral preplanning, including how to introduce the idea of simple cremation.
Why Preplanning Matters for Your Parents (and You)
Encouraging your parents to make their end-of-life wishes known isn’t just logistics; it’s about honoring their values and easing your family’s burden. Making funeral arrangements in advance also helps surviving spouses and adult children feel more secure and less overwhelmed during grief.
Conversation starter:
"Hey, I know this isn’t the easiest topic, but I’ve been thinking, it might be good for us to talk about what you’d want when the time comes. No pressure, just want to make sure we’re all on the same page."
How to Approach the Topic Without Fear
Talking about death doesn’t have to feel grim. Keep the tone neutral and focus on what matters most to your parent, whether that’s keeping things simple, staying within a budget, or making things easier for the family.
- Reassure them this is about peace of mind, not fear.
- Listen without judgment or pressure.
- Acknowledge their emotions, and your own.
- Choose a quiet, low-stress time to talk.
Conversation starter:
"I came across something about funeral planning and it really got me thinking. Have you ever thought about what you'd want? I'd rather talk about it now than have to guess later."
Support the Process, Don’t Take Over
Approach preplanning as something you’ll explore together. Share information about options like burial, direct cremation, or green funerals. Let your parents take the lead, and be patient if their opinions differ.
- Be a sounding board, not a decision-maker.
- Consider preplanning your own service at the same time.
- Be ready for differences of opinion between parents.
Conversation starter:
"Would it be okay if we talked about what you might want your funeral to look like? It’s your choice: cremation, burial, human composting, or anything else that reflects what you want. I’m here to help, not to push."
Break It Down Into Simple, Manageable Steps
Once your parents are open to the idea of preplanning, offer to help with small, actionable steps:
- Look up funeral service providers near you.
- Bookmark websites, download, or request brochures and guides.
- Write down their preferences, such as burial or cremation, ceremony details, etc.
- Explore prepaid funeral plans.
- Look into Veterans’ funeral benefits if one or both of your parents served in the military.
- Ask about favorite songs, poems, or quotes.
Conversation starter:
"Would it be helpful if I gathered some information? I found a few local providers offering simple cremation services that are affordable and easy to arrange."
Share Stories That Make It Feel Real
Personal experiences help normalize the conversation. Talk about friends or family members who preplanned and how that decision helped reduce stress and bring comfort.
Conversation starter:
"I heard a story about someone who made their funeral plans ahead of time. It made things so much easier for their family. I was wondering if we should try something like that.”
Consider Direct Cremation as a Simple Option
More families are choosing cremation without a service because it’s affordable, straightforward, and allows for a flexible, personal memorial at a later time. This may be the right choice if your parents want to keep things simple and cost-effective.
Tulip offers a direct cremation service that can be planned in about fifteen minutes, online or by phone, with no funeral home visit required. Our care team is available 24/7 to answer questions or walk you through your options. Click here for your free instant quote.
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